Ever wonder what forgiveness is? What does it mean to forgive?
Forgiveness is a process where someone who has been wronged chooses to let go of their resentment, and treat the wrongdoer with compassion.
Deepening Understanding of Forgiveness:
Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or condoning the wrongdoing, granting legal mercy, or reconciling a relationship. You can forgive a person while in no way believing that their
actions were acceptable or justified.
On the other hand, simply saying the words “I forgive you”, or accepting an apology, is not forgiveness. In fact, forgiveness can occur without ever speaking to the wrongdoer.
Forgiveness is an emotional change that occurs within the person who has been wronged.
What forgiveness is:
*The decision to overcome pain that was inflicted by another person.
*Letting go of anger, resentment, shame, and other emotions associated with an injustice, even *though they are reasonable feelings.
*Treating the offender with compassion, even though they are not entitled to it.
What forgiveness isn’t:
*Reconciliation (repairing or returning to a relationship).
*Forgetting the injustice.
*Condoning or excusing the offender’s behavior. Granting legal mercy to the offender.
*“Letting go” but wishing for revenge.
The Four Phases of Forgiveness:
1) The Uncovering Phase. During the first phase of forgiveness, you will improve your understanding of the injustice, and how it has impacted your life. How has the injustice affected you? Has it caused painful emotions, changed behavior, or changed your worldview? Has it cost you time, money, or caused your physical harm? Do you rehearse the events in your head over and over again?
2) The Decision Phase. During the second phase, you will gain a deeper understanding of what forgiveness is, and make the decision to choose or reject forgiveness as an option. Many people struggle with the decision to forgive because they know that they have the right to be angry, while the offender does not have the right to kindness. Making the decision to forgive means letting go of these resentments—which you have every right to hold—so you can heal.
3) The Work Phase. During the third phase, you will start to understand the offender in a new way, which will allow positive feelings toward the offender and yourself. Learning to understand the offender, and to see them as more than their wrongdoing, is an important part of forgiveness. However, it must be stressed that understanding does not mean condoning. One can understand another person without believing their actions are acceptable
4) The Deepening Phase. During the final phase of forgiveness, you will further decrease the negative emotions associated with the injustice. You may find meaning in the
experiences, and recognize ways in which you have grown as a result.
Remember, forgiveness is a choice you make within yourself. It is a process to improve your own personal well-being, and how you view the offender and the world around you.