To quote William Ellery Channing: “Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict.” Conflicts are bound to happen at some point in our lives. Some causes of conflicts include: power struggles, differences in beliefs, desire for participation, repetitive negative behaviors, money and physical resources, inequality, poor communication, and perceptions of fairness and respect. Not all conflicts are bad. It can be healthy in relationships to know how to effectively resolve conflicts. To manage conflicts in a healthy manner, it is helpful to understand five conflict management styles: compromising, competing, avoiding, giving in, and collaborating. Learning how you handle conflicts, how other people handle conflicts, and learning how you want to improve your ability to manage conflicts, will improve your ability to find solutions to problems.
The compromising style of conflict management helps people find a middle ground that each party can agree to. The parties in the argument will negotiate and find a common ground. Each party will give a little and take a little until a compromise has been met that all involved are ok with. They back off in some issues to gain in other issues. It is important to prioritize the most important aspects of the disagreement while giving in to the lesser priorities. A compromising style would be used when there is a issue with no clear solution. It is also useful when people have very strong feelings on the subject matter. Sometimes compromises take time to resolve themselves. Patience for resolution is essential.
The competing style of conflict resolution is ruthless. People involved want swift results with little regard to the opposing parties’ point of view or needs. There is little regard to how the outcome may cost the relationship. Full force is used to achieve goals. No matter what the cost is, the person with a competing style is out to win. Usually, the other party is left filled with resentment and dissatisfaction.
People who use the avoiding conflict management style ignore their own personal wants and needs for the sake of maintaining relationships. They avoid conflict at all costs, even if they are hurt in the process. They tend to ignore conflict and hide from the issues on hand. They will remove themselves from the situation to avoid it altogether. This is to preserve the relationship even if it means they can no longer accomplish personal goals. They may ignore others and stop talking to them to avoid any issues. This results in unresolved conflicts. By doing so, the person who is avoiding the argument may build inner resentment which may appear later in the form of anger. The avoiding style may be used to preserve a good relationship or to avoid a disruption that would be worse than the solution.
Similar to avoiding, another conflict resolution style is giving in. In this style, people will give up personal and/or professional goals for the sake of others. They value their relationships with others so much that they give in to the issue. By giving in, a confrontation can be avoided, and the relationship is preserved. Giving in can also used when one is outmatched or is losing ground.
Collaboration involves people in conflict will all have their needs considered. This is an assertive style that acknowledges the importance of all involved. All viewpoints are considered in finding a solution to the problem. People will brainstorm together to find common ground. Creativity is used for a common consensus. In a collaboration, all parties are satisfied with the solution. Collaboration can be used to merge different perspectives. The end result is everyone feels supported at the conclusion of the conflict.
Now that you are aware of the five styles of conflict resolution, here are 7 steps on how to resolve conflicts:
1) Describe what you want
2) Describe how you feel
3) Explain your reasons for what you want and how you feel
4) Attempt to understand the other person’s point of view
5) Brainstorm solutions that are beneficial for all parities involved
6) Choose an agreement that is best for all
7) Agree to abide by the terms of the agreement.
In the words of Indira Ghandi, “You can’t shake hands with a clenched fist”.